* S H A T T E R E D dreams ]

12.30.2006



totally disappointed. hopes too high and that's what you get. i thought you changed so much already. wanting me to come your house to be with you. but what do i see? you go do your hair extension without even telling me while i'm on the phone with you. it is so hard to tell the one you love what you doing? dont try to tell me its a pleasant surprise. sigh. and what else do i see? you deleting your logs again when i told you to keep it? why must one keep deleting logs if one got nothing to hide? isnt it too obvious? when you're at home alone you kept logs, but when you know i'm coming, you just quickly delete it. isnt it suspicious?? shit man. how long can this go on? just as i thought everything will take a better turn, we still end up like that. you're still doing the same old thing.

i gave you attitude cos of all this. and what is it? you're giving attitude back to me. great. later on i'll hafta apologised for everything. you just took your hp out. you see what i mean? FUCK. why must you keep hiding things from me?

everytime you delete your logs , its just like telling me, "YEAH JUSTIN CONTACTED ME!" FUCK THAT OK. i'm so pissed off right now i dont know what to do. i'm just so sick and tired of all these.

maybe my friend is right. i'm under slight depression? yeah i think what i'm feeling right now, it's depressed. so damn right. i hate my life right now. i hate the things you do to cover your tracks, i hate the things you do without even telling me and doing it behind my back. i really feel like dying soon.

Yi Ri Bu Zhong, Bai Ri Bu Ren.

thanks. i'll take it to heart. one day i'll just break down, cry like fuck and let everything go? i'm not sure about the last one though. shit. someone save me.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 1:15 PM

12.29.2006



Somebody tried to tell me love don't last forever.
Said it only happens in your wildest dreams

After all is said and done
We're still here together

Never listen to the lies and jealousy.

whatever it is, god bless me. i've given a lot of my heart into this relationship. please guys, whoever, stop doing shits to tempt my girl.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 7:43 PM



here i am at my brother's house again. was feeling so shiok when my brother suddenly come back. sians. thought i'm gonna be all alone here with no one to disturb. he's back. boos.

anyway, maple's down till 1600hrs. lucky i didn't come early. i wana train so hard to catch up with my baby so that she won't hafta sacrifice so much eating "small biscuits". LOL. always thought maple was a childish shit, but after playing? well, it's quite an addictive game. wana level up so fast. shit the server. and the earthquake. 8 more minutes to go then can play already oh.

my baby's in the office i think. didn't talk to her on the phone. sigh. she just wouldn't call me unless i ask her to? it's like i hafta dictate things in our relationship. if you love someone deep enough, if you're scared of losing that someone, won't anyone be nervous, or should i say, give so much care and concern? like if i didn't reply you, won't you call to find out what happen? is it just me who's like that? i wonder..


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3:49 PM

12.28.2006



i'm so stressed up right now. u hate this relationship n u wan it to end? i'm damn sensitive de lahs.
i didnt delete logs when im with you. you call me i'll always pick up. i really didnt do anything to make you feel insecure. i dont know. i love you so much i dont wana let you go. you just dont understand how much i love you. i've trying to be a good bf. i'm trying hard. but everytime some suspicious acts from you will pop out. you are too used to lying in the past and you'll have no qualms to lie to me. what you've said really hurt me alot. all that you said before.

i feel so damn happy when i'm with you in person. but off it? i dont know. you dont know how to express your love thru the phone ba. dont ever compare me with your ex because you didnt spend so much time with me. you didnt give me the same love you gave to him. you didnt do the same thing or express enough love the way you do to him.

i'm dying, trying to make you believe that i truly love you. i spend most of my time only on you. what else you wan me to do ?
i really wan you to start believing me. you know how it feels to love someone so much and yet they dont even care? it really hurts alot knowing that i myself try so hard and make you my world doing everythin i can to make you feel loved.

i shouldn't complain i guess. but isnt it better then letting it out all on you? i just told you i feel down and you asked me i wana quarrel online izit. sigh. im not askin you to console me or what. but must you ask this kinda question? everything takes time. we'll see how. i'm starting to feel the way you feel. let me love you and please love me with no strings attached.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 9:58 PM

12.12.2006



where is my DEAR? i'm still waiting for your call!! i wana go chalet asap!! faster lahs..

why do i always feel so weird.. hmmm. i just want you to be really happy!! can? i sincerely love you alot. hope you won't hurt me anymore k? please.

PEARLYN WONG DEARIE, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 4:31 PM

12.06.2006



should i just act stupid? i dont know. i dont wana know. i dont wana lose her at all. i know things. yes its my fault that i went to check things up. u lying to me where u're at, where the salon is. i found out things i dont wana know. i feel so hurt now. u're in your room. sleeping? sigh. it's getting very fucked up now. should i just act as if nothing has happened? god, is this retribution? i gave all my heart out in this relationship but what do i get in return? lies after lies. i really dont mind if u just meet justin outside? i dont know. i hate to think of it. should i just keep quiet? im scared that i'll make u angry n pissed off. what should i do? it seems that everyday is happening. why.. someone save me? someone tell me the best solutions. i dont wana leave u at all. please.

PEARLYN DEARIE, SAVE ME PLEASE..


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 5:51 PM



is everything gonna end soon? sick of so many things already. u being unfaithful.. lost.. times when you ignore me. meet other guys didnt even wana pick up the phone. why is all this happening to me? retribution? shit. i hate it. but i'm loving you so much that i cant bear to break up with you. i've never swallow so many panadols in my life. am i stupid? everyone says that i am. i make everyone worry? fuck that. fuck all of that. n now you wana run out? shit. i really feel so inferior sometimes that i cant provide for you like how your ex provide for you. im sick of this feeling. asked you to call justin just cos i wana see your initiatives.
yes. you even lock the door to call him? fuck that.
you wana go stay with him?
fuck that.
your hair rebond paid by your dad?
fuck that.


FUCK ALL OF THAT.


seriously, what can i do? did you even mention of coming to my house n stay? all you wan is big house big money big shit. where's your love? damn.
i've got nothing much now. just a whole lot of love for you. i hope one day you'll realise how money cant buy love. i'm half the man i used to be. i'm feeling so fucked up now.




JUSTIN LEE. I HATE YOU. I SWEAR IF I EVER SEE YOU(i know there's not much chance cos u left your balls at home), I'LL DO SOMETHING NO ONE EVER DID TO YOU. MARK MY WORDS SON OF A BITCH.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3:10 PM