"I dunno wt I thinking. Miss times ad the KEMBANGAN mrt stn sometimes. Esp when I walk past the bicycle wid a disc in front of the basket. I feel ...... I dont know lahhs. Just dat I think everything Is repeating itself. I dont want to go further........ becus I really dont trust him"





God, can you PLEASE let me know of a way to let my precious baby believe my love? i've fallen in so deep in love with her right now but she don't believe what i feel. whenever we talk bout it, my heart feels so sour. it hurts. i know i haven't did enough for her, i know i'm not good enough for her, i know i can't give enough to her. but my love is all i can give. please let me know what i can do and i'll do it unconditionally. i'm so afraid that she'll just break up with me cos i've fallen too deep into it. i'll just break down. i need her in my life, not cos i'm lazy to get another girl, or i can't, but because i love her alot. and i seriously hope we'll turn out real good. i'm' willing to go thru all these cos i seriously love her alot. God bless us, our relationship and everything of us. AMEN.




had a nice day out with my precious babe. at bugis with eugene too. suppose to watch movie with her. but went shopping instead. that bloody eugene stuck that shitty cheesy popcorn into my nose!! DAMN!! that smells like shit i swear.
so we walked around a bit. kuangyi came to find us cos he's like so damn bored. and then we went to daniel's father's temple. wanted to ask something but well, it's the wrong day and there's lotsa people. so my dear went back. wanted to send her home but she didn't want me to.. why? i don't know a thing. i don't even feel troubled, i even feel happy if i can send her home. even to the bus stop. she stopped me from doing that but i insisted. wonder if she felt pissed when i did that. i mean, i wana send her home because I LOVE HER. God, i feel like crying. feel unwanted. feel like cutting myself. to feel the adrenaline rush when i'm doing it. but i'm 21. i shouldn't do that kinda things i did in the past. how bout getting high on drugs? hmmm. nah, i'm too skinny to do that. drink? my baby don't like. shit, i don't know what to do to make me stop feeling the way i'm feeling now. gosh, i typed too much already? right now i'm at the mess waiting for my baby to go online. hope nothing bad would be said.




MY BABY, SAVE ME. ONLY YOU CAN, 'COS I GODAMMIT LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 10:39 PM

early in the morning and i'm at the mess blogging. gotta be crazy. i haven't slept for like.. 2 days? since friday afternoon i think. who cares.. i'm just making myself suffer for nothing? waddya mean you can't sleep without her talking on the phone with you? =\ hmmm.. not entirely cos of that. friday night was like, i didn't even know when she left. she just disappear. i think it's my fault again cos i didn't reply her msg? argh.. nvm..

feel happy that she's coming back, though i know she won't wana meet me when she comes back. sigh. felt worried for her cos she vomitted yesterday. she went drinking on friday night. with her ex boyfriend and some buddy (somebody, LOL). what can i even say or do? well.. it's alright i think. hey peeps, ain't i so darn different from the past? (i hear eugene shouting "YES!") LOL.

still darn early in the morning eh. nothing much to brag about anymore. just hoping that i'll have a fine day ahead of me. (and maybe, let us meet up.)

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 7:42 AM

sigh. bad things happened between us.. got in quarrels n blah blah blah.. damn.. wassup with me? or her? shit. she don't even believe that i love her so much which is damn hurting for me lahss.. i'll use my actions to prove that i really do love u. sincerely hope that u won't hurt me. she's in genting now? i don't know.. she didn't even text or call me when she left. i feel so unimportant. damn.. i'm like, ur bf? and yet i don't know when u left singapore? shit. fuck me. i should just shut up n endure all that cos i love u so much. your last message at 1330hrs tells me that ahbear they all also there? well i don't mind i guess, since they are your ol'buddies. but at least tell me when you leave?? argh~ i can't even like get to sleep right now. i feel so empty without u around? no one to talk to.

my darling, if you ever look at my blog, read this.

i'm sincerely in love with you. and please i BEG you, believe me. 'cos it's really hurting when you question my love. i'd do anything, go anywhere, just for you, no strings attached. i'm just hoping that you'll start believing me so that we can be as happy..

GOD SAVE MY PITY SOUL!!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 5:28 AM

my dear's not gonna work. cos of her dad. damn.. i wonder what the hell's he thinking.. your children wana go outside and earn themselves some bucks and you're not happy? SHIT!!

i wonder what my dear's thinking too.. can understand bahs.. must be in one of her moodswings too. but i don't wana get sacrificed.. i'm your boyfriend eh. we'll take it all together aite? you're not replying my messages right now. SHIT!!

kinda tired and pissed right now.. just when i though everything will work out fine, things like this happen. later gotta go whack some ass if can.. backstabbers should get backstab a thousand times. and worst, you F**KING did it to my bro. i'm gonna let you taste my boots. SHIT!!

right now i'm just waiting for my dear to reply my messages? gonna call her soon if she didn't. SHIT!!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 2:59 PM

phew. just finished my night duty. my dearie's gonna start work later at isetan, wisma. planning to wake her up soon. damn.. why she always change her blog address? gonna ask her later. lol. i'm starting to feel her care and concern, to feel that she loves me? hmmm.. hope she continues that and treat me even better. alright gotta go wake her up. WO AI NI!!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 10:32 AM

it's been days man.. i'll just blog every single shit at one go aite.

spent a few days out with my dear princess. went down to parkway to meet her on friday. i'd go anywhere for you baby. had a nice day with her definitely. i swear i'll buy the drinks next time k? haha. my darling know lotsa people there cos she worked there before. had this funny feeling... nvm. and i admit, parkway's a nice place to walk around or slack. well.. anywhere would be nice with my sweetie around i guess..

went to watch world trade center on saturday. asked her to come over hougang to meet me first then we took cab over to orchard. she don't usually watch this kinda show i guess. but well, we didn't have anything else to watch so we watch it anyway. was kinda boring. she said she was cold but i'm shy to like hug her? this is just one of the moments i know that really love her. why was i shy in the first place? sh*t. i should've hug her in the cinema. i don't know what stopped me from doing that..

sunday wasn't nice. i'd swear i love her. i know myself that i do though i personally feel that i'm going in too deep too fast. i don't wana get hurt seriously, but i just can't control myself for falling so deep. it's just so hard to cope, with all this guys around. i just don't wana do anything cos she don't like it. if i just ask, everything can be done 'nicely'. i really hope my dear will start to believe that i really love her alot now. no more xingsi, no more joyce, no more anyone. just pearlyn.

so i didn't get to sleep well after that. i went to find her after she finished school. she had a bad day cos of some backstabbers which i don't even wana do anything about. my dear won't like it too. and they DEFINITELY won't like it. but if this shit goes on, i'll make them pay. mark my words. SHIT YOU PEOPLE!
so i met her at 107. feel kinda awkward at first but we slowly warmed up. my dear ain't so petty i guess. i'm sorry for making you think the way u did my dear. so we went hougang mall. went up to eat chicken rice, and as usual, i didn't finish. after that we walked around then slack awhile then my dear and i took cab. alighted at my house there and i went up straight to call her. she gotta go with her mom to see doctor at bedok. she didn't wana bump into THAT guy, and hell, i didn't want her to bump into him either. LOL. hoho. spoke to her till around 9, i went to have my dinner with my best buds. and she wana watch my another gf on tv. or maybe pierre png? LOL. was so damn full lah. i went to tan tock seng hospital to take medical leave. that fucked up doctor? nothing's wrong with my bloody bone? F**K YOU. ask me go specialist. F**K YOU AGAIN BITCH. after that went down to boat quay to find daniel, jimmy and his friend. then go jalan kayu for some serious chat. yeah. hope everything will go smoothly for all of us. my dear fell asleep while we messaged. sorry my dear, didn't spend time to talk to you again. sweet dreams yeah? =\ now i'm here at the mess blogging lo. what time already.. my god.. LOL. gotta go home soon. i'm missing my dear sweetie so much now. I LOVE YOU!! and only you.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6:05 AM

back at the mess from the kallang river. feeling so fucked up. daniel's so upset and we gotta talk him out of this shit. sigh. just hope he and his girl patch things up quick. didn't talk much to my lovely queen on the phone. and now she's asleep. shit man. should've spend more time talking to her. but we talked on the phone quite long in the morning thru to the early afternoon. few hours i think. while she's at her uncle's office nearby her house. gotta go back to camp in an hour plus time. i'm like sick of it already man.. later go back can't sleep till 8 plus in the morning then can go back. i'll try to apply off tomorrow. for what? 'cos i wanna see my dear mar..

suddenly thought of my dear's ex boyfriend. i wonder whether i could replace him in her heart. i'll try so damn hard la.. sigh.. now i'm missing her so much.. darn.. what am i suppose to do. again, shut up and work hard enough to win her heart as a whole. damn right i'm gonna do that.

DEAR, I MISS YOU!!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 2:56 AM

"i love beckham since i was born"

that's what my lovely dear post for me. LOL. understand me a lot eh? my day's kinda fucked up today. didn't go camp. was thinkin around 10 plus then go. my dear's tired i think.. she didn't wanna meet me or let me go find her. didn't wanna irritate her so i didn't insist. but i really miss her a lot. a day without her, i feel like dying. argh.. i think i'm going crazy man. no,i think i am.

it's been long since i feel this way, not with that bitch for sure. (oh, by the way, that bitch's joyce. i do what i like, i like what i do, so sue me!) well well, that's shit, so forget bout it. but right now, this lovely girl of mine really melt my heart. her everything melts my heart. there's this thing in her which makes me fall so deep in love. (??) i'm just hoping everything will go along real smooth and that she'll love me so much more.

ALRIGHT, LET'S JUST SHUT UP FOR NOW AND PRAY!!
[THAT SHE'LL LOVE ME SO MUCH AND LET US BE SO DAMN LOVING!!]

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 4:55 PM