i swear i'm gonna go camp tonight. shit. i'm like so scared and yet i'm doing it? i'm seriously just sick of it already. i wana come out and work asap. not serving the govt on such meagre pay. damn. gotta endure a good 4 months. ARGH!!

i think ima go in sit real soon. maybe on thurs? my officer gave me a lot of chances already and yet i don't appreciate it. i just can't seem to get myself to be disciplined enough to go camp. damn. and my job's kinda easy? i blame it all on my sickening rota personnels. my officer changed it like at the start of october? and i've been skipping camp since then. they wouldn't change it back for MY sake. it's just so sickening. at least last time there's fun, booze and cocks. now? the guys i have in my rota just mind their own business. i'm suffering in and out. there's nothing i can do i know. endure, is what everyone tells me. alright, you people can go try it just for one night, and you'll know how much it suck. sigh.

my baby's at her workplace now. too early. i miss her. and i certainly do love her from the bottom of my heart.

i'll endure every single shit thats coming thru to me right now. i hope i can.

kill me if i'm on my own

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 9:25 AM