* S H A T T E R E D dreams ]


heys. whats up. here i am at my baby's house. sigh. lotsa things happened, AGAIN. i really hope its the end of our problems. its like these 2 mths, we have been quarreling, breaking up and taking each other for granted. sometimes i really feel that she dont love me? especially when she's angry. sigh. i really hope everything will work out somehow. i wont do rash things anymore. i think i will just try my best to endure everything. i realise i really love her alot and i seriously want her to feel the same. i really dont have the mood to do anything if she's not with me or we're quarreling. am i useless? i know i cant succeed in anything if she's not gonna be with me.

finally, ORD OH!! gotta look for work real soon, work hard save up for my studies. wait for my baby to complete her Os then we'll decide what to do for our future. anticipating so much right now. gosh. i havent even take my beloved IC. shit man. gonna go take it on monday. miss it so so much!! lols.

gotta go do some work with dearrie soon. hungry !! hello. baby's gonna cook for me? lols. guess i'll do it myself. later got england vs israel. 255am. dont know wana watch anot? dearrie will be so bored if i watch. hmmm. see how bahs. its been long since i catch a soccer match. =(. never mind. baby's more important. alright. ciao for now ~

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 2:24 AM


Everythin's over now. I broke up with e one i love e most. Why? Cos she whacked me so many times in public. At her hse. I've never got whack till i actually didnt't do anythin at all. I love her so much yet i didnt get true love back. Guys and girls, can anyone tell me what is true love? Hard to trust girls nowadays. So materialistic. I'm poor i admit. I can work hard and provide for anyone. I'm poor now. But i can work towards a better future. This girl broke my heart so much. I just let it go. Sigh.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 8:18 AM


Total Eclipse of the Heart
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever

And if you'll only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart

here i am again at my baby's house. using her laptop to do my blog stuff. hahs. gonna go out soon. had a few quarrels again. i'm real sad. i really hope no one will break us up. i don't think she understand how much i need her. i'm really willing to give up everything for her.

ARGH. fuck the shit who stole my mp3 player in camp. fuck him hard. bought it for less than a week? fuck man. all the songs i've downloaded, i didn't even keep a backup of it. shit the fucker real hard. fuck. and i can't get it for $99 since the promotion is over. fuck that bastard hard. fuck fuck fuck.

anyway, went to book my final today. guess what? it's on monday. 2 more days. i'm real lucky. last slot for this week and i got it! cool. i'm thinking of taking my practical from a private instructor. its gonna be like 2 and a half time cheaper. woooohoooo. kiss me baby.

sigh. i just hope everything between us will be better soon. please god. save me.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3:22 PM


wassup. its been so long since i last blog? wooohooo. anyway lotsa shits happened and i really wonder why? well let's be optimistic, lotsa great stuff happened too!!

had a messed up day at sim lim on friday. with my baby's friend's boyfriend. shits creeps, i wont wana talk much about them. bloody kids wana act like they are some big shot shit..

come to think about it, i'd rather suffer with my baby megan then being fakingly happy with joyce? sigh. but of cos i didnt wana suffer, i wana be so happy with my dear and i'll try so hard to be happy with her. everything i'd done, i didnt do it before. i didnt try so hard in a relationship ever before. i think she's the one for me. and i think she can see that i try hard enough and she's trying to change? hopefully so. my baby's so real. she wont fake things like how my ex did. no hyprocrisy. i cant stand hyporcrisy. stand up for yourself and what you think. that's very important. i dont like people bitching about people and then try to act so nice in front of them. jsut cant stand these people. posers and stuff, be yourself.

its important not to get carried away with comparing people. i shouldn't continue if not there'll be a long list of differences between my baby and my ex. that 3 months i spent with my ex is so fake. ARGH. cant stand it. lol. shhhh. forget it.

my baby and i are spending great times most of the time. ive gotta control my temper and shes gotta do it with hers. i definitely think that there's no big problems between us. its just our temper and attitude, once we achieve that, we can be real happy?

gotta go call my baby. blog again soon.

my megan dearrie is the best and the only one in my heart.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 4:28 PM


hahs. 2nd night into our "chalet". last night was fantastic. fell asleep quite early like around 12+. suppose to wake up go camp but didn't. blahs. so we woke up this morning at around 12pm? woke up and eat some cute buns before going back to bed and falling asleep. i didn't want our day to go to waste so i woke us up at around 2pm. i went to prepare while she rested. blahs. haha. when i was done i used the lappie when she go prepare. found lotsa RL Glamourous eau dde parfum. fantastic. but i need a paypal account first. wait.. found that perfume at bugis!! shit. i bought her the RL Romance already lahs. kinda scared she wouldn't like it. she wasn't actually over the moon but she's quite happy when she saw it in her bag. got it for her when she was cutting her hair. well, we both had our hair done at RAWKz Studio at bugis or something. haha. NICE.

hmmm. when we went out of the house, she was kinda pissed. she later said it cos of her heels. wow. i thought what i did again. boos. so fierce. hahs. everything was fine when we reach the mrt station bahs. i love her so so much. ate at arab street. not bad. shopped around there and found everything there to be real nice!! but quite expensive. but its so classy lahs.. haha..

we walked around for awhile and my baby actually lied to me said she wana buy a wallet for her good friend Nat. so we went to the Wallet Shop to search for it. found this Stranger wallet which cost $79. when we walked out of the shop she asked me not to be angry or jealous and said the wallet's for me. oh man!! that's a huge surprise. though i kinda guessed it? lol. I JUST LOVE MY BABY!!

anyway, i've gotta go bath now, she came out already. that's fast.

well here we are. eating cup noodles after she washed her clothes. i'm gonna go eat now if not she'll scold me!! lol.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 1:17 AM


hey hey. its like so early in the morning. woke up suddenly at around 5plus? dreamt of the same dream again and i immediately call dearie. i wonder why this dream keeps coming back.

i sort of dreamt that i'm on the phone with you dear, and i suddenly call out to you and i woke up?! that's when i'll pick up the phone and call you semi-consciously. weird?

anyway, using hp to blog now. my mum's card. the bill's gonna blow baby! haha.

went to read my precious dearie's blog. it was heartwarming. i'm praying hard that everyday will be like yesterday. everything of us will be so happy.

i've never really like shopping with my ex gfs, but with her? FANTASTIC. the 3 polo ts i bought were spotted by her first. and i must admit, her taste's great. i like it alot. especially the white and pink combination one. well actually, she bought it. and i bought her a top which i find it real nice. hmmm. kinda baffled about who bought for who. she didn't mention a thing about it. but well, as long as we're happy? nothing matters more.

i love her so much. i love her expression on her face when she feel loved by me. when she feels abit pissed and the flowers pop out. wham! precious moments, priceless. a smile on her face brings one to mine too. i'm starting to feel that things CAN work out. but i'm still scared because its not the first time i felt it and then something happens. hope this time it'll be different! *HOPES

next week, can't wait for next week. i've got a list here that i made while observing. haha.

waiting for you to wake up now and give me a call? hopefully can go over meet you and spend some time with you before going to camp tonight. 37.5 more working days for me. 67 more days to freedom. wow. gotta think real hard of my future real soon. my dearie will help me out with it yeah? haha.

alrighty. i'm ending off here. will try to blog if i can later. on my baby's lappie.

in my prayers, i just want us to be happily together. in our own joyful world without tears and anger. we won't crumble under temptations. and every single thing between us will be so wonderful! AMEN!


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 8:25 AM


heys. i'm back. bought a bouquet of paper roses for her. shhh. she still don't know? thought of telling her something? but i thought blogging out will be better? hmmm.
that day when you fell asleep and did not hang up? i talked on the phone trying to pretend that you were listening? haha. isn't it crazy? i've even cried and stuff. i think i'm really going crazy over you. i've said all these things about how much i love you, how deep you hurt me.. things like that. i remember me saying i love you alot, alot of times? boos. hais. gotta hope everything will be fine between us.
thinking about the happy times you had with all the other guys? you told me that we quarrel practically everyday that's why we didn't have alot of happy times. can we work out something on that? if you don't have anything to do with other guys? i don't think i'll be so paranoid all the time. in which, i won't askk so many much and we won't quarrel. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. haha.
i'm kinda sad nowadays. forcing myself not to ask so much. not to do the wrong things. i don't want anything to happen to us.
ooops. gotta go. my baby's feeling so bored now.
god bless the both of us.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 11:34 PM

The Actor
He takes you out and he takes you up
cause he can show you so much
I go to bed and tomorrow again
there´s a lot of work to be done
He gives you gold and he will promise you
the whole world will be yours
I just can´t tell you I love you so
even though my odds are low
I´m not an actor I´m not a star
and I don´t even have my own car
But I´m hoping so much you´ll stay
That you will love me anyway
The dirty games in the neon shows
this is the world he knows
Watching the stars satisfies my soul
thinking of him makes me feel so cold
The fancy cars and the restaurants
you´re just so fond of the man
Sometimes I wonder if you are blind
Can´t you see he´s got dirt on his mind
I´m not an actor I´m not a star
and I don´t even have my own car
But I´m hoping so much you´ll stay
That you will love me anyway
sigh. everythings' so messed up nowadays. sometimes i feel so loved by you but sometimes i cant feel that you even love me. its all so different between me and your exs'. cant change that i guess.
we're at bugis starbucks after shopping around. only i shop? blahs. hahs. whatever. kinda bored. kinda down. but you'll never understand. wont you even bother?
all i know is that i really need you. boos. dont peep.. lol. i just wana live my life without anything else. hopefully, all will be fine for us. seriously, i love you alot. i've went thru so much hurt to continue to be with you. i want none of that anymore.
cant i feel very loved all the time? cant you have nothing to do with other guys? i know its tempting, but try hard? just for me? cant you treat me like how you treat your ex bfs? just gotta look at your entries. its like so much sweeter. me? boos. i really need you to love me and me only. do everything you can to prove it? or to show it? i pray to god that one day you will.
alright lahs. gotta stop here if not you're gonna get so bored. hoho.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6:00 PM